The first thing I did when I chose to share this topic was dig out the old thesaurus and look at what balance is actually defined as, and how we can relate these meanings to empower ourselves to create the balance we want and need. The ever reliable Oxford Paperback Dictionary and Thesaurus provided me with two meanings that I felt held the most relevance in allowing people to embrace this topic with an open mind, and without personal judgement. The two meanings I discovered were:
“Balance: A state in which weight is evenly distributed so that a person or object does not wobble or fall over.”
and
“Balance: To give equal importance to two or more things”
The start of creating and maintaining mental and emotional balance for ourselves is always going to be a personal endeavor. I do believe that most of us equate a sense of balance in our lives as being financially successful, stress free, without hardship, accepted and loved by everyone we meet, and seemingly having all of life’s ducks in a nice, neat row. I am going to tell you now with the hopes that you will still carry on reading that these are ALL myths and will not create the mental and emotional balance you are seeking. However, as we move forward I hope that you choose to willingly accept and apply the realities offered and are able to create and maintain the balance you deserve.
Creating Mental And Emotional Balance
In order to create anything it is important to understand what it is we want to create, why we want to create it, and what has prevented us from creating this up to this point. A lot of people find this part of the creation process similar to riding a rollercoaster without a kill switch. It forces us to take an honest look at the areas of our lives that challenge us, cause us mental and emotional anguish, make us feel helpless, and generally keep delivering negative outcomes. When we start to take an honest look at what we feel is making us prone to wobbling and potentially falling over (in the mental and emotional sense), you can start to open avenues that will shift your sense of balance in a more positive direction.
Maintaining Mental And Emotional Balance
Almost everything in our lives requires a level of maintenance that forces us to pay attention to things when they start to change. Most of us only pay attention to our finances when our credit card is embarrassingly denied at the grocery store, or that tickity-tick sound your car has been making for six months means you are now riding the bus. When it comes to maintaining our mental and emotional balance it means paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and reactions on a consistent basis. As we pay attention to the things that create feelings of imbalance inside us, we are then able to make choices for ourselves that can prevent us from feeling like our lives are out of control.
The Myths and Realities Of Mental And Emotional Balance
As we start to look at what mental and emotional balance IS, and what it IS NOT, it is very important to understand that your emotional and mental health is never a one and done. There is no one tip, method, or special shortcut that will provide you with the balance you desire. Our lives are in constant motion and each day is different than the next. Our mental and emotional balance is also in constant motion and learning to recognize what we are thinking and feeling is the empowerment we need to live a more balanced life.
Practicing Self-Awareness
MYTH: Self-awareness is something that you either have or don’t have, and that it cannot be learned or improved.
REALITY
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize you are separate from other people, while also assessing your own thoughts, feelings, and reactions. To be self-aware means you can use your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to understand your emotions and move towards solutions that benefit you first. Growing and improving your self- awareness skills will require you to observe yourself in a variety of situations. What thoughts do I have about this particular situation? How is this situation making me feel? What do I like and not like about this situation? How much of my reaction to this situation is tied to what I am thinking and feeling in this moment? It is important to not punish or judge yourself for having a certain thought, feeling, or reaction to any situation; we are all human beings doing human being things. The more we practice self-awareness, the more we essentially tune into a part of ourselves that creates the personal understanding and insight required to achieve the balance we are seeking.
Understanding Emotional Intelligence
MYTH: If someone struggles with emotional intelligence that means that they lack intellectual intelligence as well.
REALITY
I would like to start off by letting you know that emotional intelligence is in no way connected to your intellectual ability. You can be the proud owner of the highest IQ on the planet, and also have the lowest EQ (emotional intelligence) at the same time. Now that we have that out of the way let us move into what emotional intelligence ACTUALLY is and why it is so important to your mental and emotional balance. Emotional intelligence is really about understanding and managing emotions in yourself and others. This understanding helps you make more sound, rational, and positive decisions. Understanding and managing your own emotions, and not reacting to the emotions of others can keep you in a mental state that allows for resolution and problem solving. Did you know that when we react to any situation with a strong emotional response the part of our brain that is responsible for problem solving and critical thinking (our pre-frontal cortex) actually shuts down? A key component to mental and emotional balance is to accept whatever it is that you are feeling and don’t avoid your emotions. However, learning to manage and express what you are feeling in a healthy way creates self-awareness, improves self-management, and increases empathy for others.
Mental And Emotional Movement
MYTH: If something goes bad in my life it basically means that everything else in my life is also bad.
REALITY
Life without movement only means one thing, you are stuck. When we are stuck in a place that prevents us from moving through what ails us life can feel pretty hopeless and challenging. I want you to imagine you are standing in the middle of a see-saw (for all you younger folk, that’s the big wooden plank in the park that is guaranteed to give you splinters in your butt). Your goal is to keep the see-saw as balanced as possible without either end touching the ground. In your brave attempt to accomplish this feat you are likely not just going to stand in one place and hope for the best. You are going to create movement on that see-saw that helps you maintain your balance. These movements might be small or large (cue the arm flailing), but each movement will contribute to you not falling in the dirt. In order to create and maintain mental and emotional balance we must be willing to look at what we are challenged with from more than one perspective, which allows us to move with our depth of experience.
Using And Executing Your Power Of Choice
MYTH: My thoughts, emotions, and reactions are not my fault and are created by those around me.
REALITY
The only person responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and reactions in any situation is you. A lot of people struggle to hear this in a manner that doesn’t stir up a mildly defensive reaction (complete with a somewhat subtle eyeroll). I am in no way justifying the unsavory, words, behaviors, and reaction of others. However, I hope I am well on my way to having you hear me out (and if you have stuck around up until this point you get a congratulatory high five!). Did you know that we are the only species on the planet that has the ability to choose? A bear will always be a bear because he lacks the choice to be anything other than a bear. Us beautiful humans on the other hand have the power to choose to be anything we want and that is pretty empowering if you ask me. We also have the power to choose how we think, feel, and react to anything that is presented to us. The other wonderful thing about our power of choice is that if we aren’t happy with our first choice we can always choose again, the possibilities are literally endless. To create the mental and emotional balance you want exercise you power of choice as often as you can. When you encounter a thought, emotion, or reaction that doesn’t make you feel good choose a different one and keep choosing until the balance you are searching for comes to light.
Take The Time To Learn About Yourself
If there is one thing I would strongly encourage you to do in your quest to maintain your mental and emotional balance is to take the time to learn about yourself. What do you actually want to feel everyday as you push through this crazy world? What aspects of your life do you feel could use a little more see-saw action? How much of a priority is your mental and emotional balance? What changes can you see for yourself by focusing more on your mental and emotional well-being? Creating and maintaining balance is not about getting it right or wondering if you are doing it wrong. It is simply making a commitment to yourself to notice when things change, or when things don’t feel right to you so, you can make the changes that support your success.
